Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
