he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
