she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
