Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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