IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
