One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
