Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
