her vagine was all disorganized.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
