Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Randomize
