So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
