sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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