Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize