wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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