Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
