So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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