Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize