is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
