I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
