I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
