omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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