It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
