"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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