Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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