Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
