Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
