She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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