Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's official drugs can't kill me
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
