FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
