last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
