Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
