new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize