So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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