so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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