I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize