weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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