sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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