i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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