i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize