my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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