I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
