I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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