Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
