She is in my trunk
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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