my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My balls are so social today.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
