Define "chronic" masturbator.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
