I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
