she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
