flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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