just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
