Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
