I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
