Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
