Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
