My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
