God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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