Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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