I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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