I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
All the doctor said was why
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
