This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize