why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
