she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
