they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
