I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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