dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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