I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
