He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
