Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize