I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
